Random: Pirate in Trouble for Assaulting Sausage
Kudos to MSNBC. Is there a set of conditions under which I don't read an
article with the above-captioned description?
No, of course there isn't.
Simon took a two-handed chop at the Italian sausage character - portrayed by a 20-year-old South Milwaukee woman - hitting her from behind and causing her to tumble to the ground. As she fell, a nearby sausage - the hot dog - went down as well.
Could the hot dog be considered a blue-on-blue incident? Personally, I'm all for more petty crime like this and less of the serious stuff. It just reads better.
CNN's headline for the same piece was "Ballplayer booked for belting costumed sausage". I like the use of 'costumed sausage', but at the same time it's so precise, I didn't think the underlying article was potentially related to Johnny Depp or an actual pirate on the South China Sea attacking a tube meat. So it's therefore inferior due to its clarity.
Update: MSNBC now links to the article with the text "Pirate grilled after whacking sausage". Nice touch, shades of onanism, well played.